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As anyone who has dated in the modern age will tell you, there comes a point when the endless swiping and small talk starts to feel like a demoralizing chore. So “some people simply … stop,” my colleague Faith Hill wrote this week. Reporting this article, she “spoke with six people who … still want a relationship—and they wouldn’t refuse if one unfolded naturally—but they’ve cycled between excitement and disappointment too many times to keep trying.”
These people aren’t just quitting dating apps or no longer asking new people out, Faith writes. They’re facing the possibility that they’ll never find the relationship they wanted. That can be painful, “but it can also be helpful,” Faith notes, “allowing people to mourn the future they once expected—and redefine, on their own terms, what a fulfilling life could look like.” Dating doesn’t just take time; wishing for a partner can also take up much of a person’s attention and energy, Faith adds. By giving up on that quest, these people found, space suddenly opened up for the other wondrous parts of life.
On Dating
The People Who Quit Dating
By Faith Hill
Being single can be hard—but the search for love may be harder.
Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single
By Lori Gottlieb
Listening to my friends talk about their relationship problems is getting really tough.
The Woman Who Made Online Dating Into a ‘Science’
By Kaitlyn Tiffany
Almost 20 years ago, Helen Fisher helped revolutionize dating. She has no regrets.
Still Curious?
- The five years that changed dating: When Tinder became available to all smartphone users in 2013, it ushered in a new era in the history of romance, Ashley Fetters wrote in 2018.
- The paradoxes of modern dating: Earlier this year, Faith and Atlantic associate editor Lora Kelley discussed daters’ competing desires for structure and serenity.
Other Diversions
P.S.
I recently asked readers to share a photo of something that sparks their sense of awe in the world. Carolynn Kane, 62, in California, wrote: “The sun poking through the marine haze is a bit of a metaphor for life and hope. Always leaves me with a sense of contentment.”
I’ll continue to feature your responses in the coming weeks. If you’d like to share, reply to this email with a photo and a short description so we can share your wonder with fellow readers in a future edition of this newsletter or on our website. Please include your name (initials are okay), age, and location. By doing so, you agree that The Atlantic has permission to publish your photo and publicly attribute the response to you, including your first name and last initial, age, and/or location that you share with your submission.
— Isabel
